Satan's Water

This is the story of me and my inner demons...

so graceful, I am.

I don't know about you, but I find it weird when I think back to my prepubescent years, when I used to tell myself I'll never drink like the grownups around me. It smells, it tastes bad, and it makes you act like an R-tard.

Fast forward to the first time you actually tried the stuff with the sole intentions of getting drunk. I think it happened when I was about 15. It started when something went down between me & a friend that caused me to fall into a pit of teen angst. I was so upset that I stormed to my dad's mini-bar (a giant globe that opened up), and started taking shots of his favorite liquor: Fundador. It was worse than drinking cough medicine.

side note: When we were toddlers, my sister & I wouldn't get the nerve to drink our cough medicine unless the other family members were ready with a round of applause.

When college rolled by, the drinking became more and more frequent. The more I drank, the more I got used to the strong tastes & smells. In freshman year, I had a friend use his fake I.D. to buy me a large bottle of Sky vodka. I chose it because I didn't know any other brand, and Sky had frequented the pages of my Maxim magazines. Damn advertising. That vodka lasted me an entire semester. I soon became sick of screwdrivers. It was such a big bottle, that to this day I'll gag just thinking about Sky Vodka. *gags*

A few years later, following a bad breakup with my then-girlfriend, instead of dealing with the hurt in a civilized manner, I turned to alcohol. "Morphine" to numb the pain. That's when my drinking became over-excessive. I'd drink hard & fast (that's what she said) to the point of blacking out. The first blackout happened a week or two after the breakup. Pregaming at my friend's dorm, I chugged cups of "Purple Motherfucker". Its not supposed to THAT bad, but when you drink 5 in a row in 15 minutes....it's bad. I asked friends the next day why they didn't go to that party and they'd say, "Dude, we saw each other. You were dunzo!"

You would think I'd learn my lesson from that. Guess again. I began drinking the painfully strong Bacardi 151. Nowadays, I can't take shots of it without my eyes tearing, but back then I'd drink it right from the bottle...without chasers! The next few blackouts were primarily due to drinking fast on an empty stomach, each time failing. It wasn't the smoothest breakup.

As time passed, I quickly became a frequent party-going alchy to the point that it became uncomfortable to be at any event without a drink in my hand. I was soon known as the "beer funnel" guy. Yeah, that guy.

I think the lowest point in college years was on a night I randomly hung out at a friend's dorm. I think it was chugging the forty and consecutive shots that did me in. When I woke up and discovered myself on her bathroom floor, feeling less full of the beer I chugged, and after finding out the reason, I realized I was going to have to: 1. apologize profusely to my friend, and 2...buy her a new bathroom rug.

Unfortunately, the story doesn't stop there...

-To Be Continued-